Howdy, I’m An Internet Cowboy
Have you interacted with me?
I spend my life online, that’s where I truly run free.
Cowboys rush to cyberspace much like a pirate to gold.
The treasure that we search for? Fresh new people to scold.
‘Tis the life of modern cowboys…daily rides through a phone.
The lasso is our keyboard and we squeeze till you groan.
On Twitter and in comments – that’s where I will always be.
Ready to pick apart your words (forever sarcastically).
No humans get off easy – whether women or men.
I invent new ways to flame you and then I rip you again.
Confused by my aggression, you might turn and ask someone:
“Who’s this conflict-loving weirdo acting dickish just for fun?”
Oh, I showed you who I was right when you clicked into my world.
With clever verbal bombs upon your face is where I hurled.
You tweet “puppies are the cutest” or write “pancakes taste the best.”
I shoot down those lame statements and set fire to the rest.
Doesn’t matter what you type because I’ll tell you that it’s wrong.
Yes, even if your post just says you like to play ping pong.
You might visit local beaches or take walks around the park.
But my eyes are on devices, early dawn until the dark.
You will never get away from me if spending time online.
There’s a million more just like me and they follow this design.
Ice cold jabs and hurtful statements is what Twitter was made for.
Dammit, why can’t I just learn the proper way I should spell “your”?
Spelling errors leave me open to a merciless attack.
At least the latest meme coin earned me 7 figures back.
Like I said, I’m always online and I never miss a thing.
The flipside is my tighter pants (in spite of this drawstring).
See, I haven’t left this room in…oh…I’d say at least a week.
And all of my young neighbors look at me like I’m a freak.
I guess that’s why a shrink might diagnose me as a prick.
The real world is so challenging (I still have no sidekick).
So I hide on social media to prove I’m always right.
Lit safely by my laptop while I pick another fight.
Now my fingers have been bent so long, this hand looks like a claw.
Might have been a bit extreme, I think, to clown my own grandma.
Unsure what I should do now since I only act one way.
I have no other passions and lack nicer things to say.
Could I investigate my anger…maybe try to make a change?
Or venture to the outside world – and learn to act less strange?
Wow, this life will have such meaning when I retire as a troll.
Wait, I have to go OUT THERE???
Screw that.
I guess I’ll just stay an asshole.
