Monday Night Football
I was in Las Vegas last week.
On the final night, I settled in to watch a game at the crowded sportsbook. Wanted to make sure the empty seat was free. But before I could finish the question, my boisterous seat neighbor bellowed:
“It’s got your name on it, pal!”
We were off and running…
Joel, by his own admission, is in a “sweet spot.” Life is cruising along. He’s a successful 62-year-old attorney from Texas with a magnetic personality. Health, career, and friendships? All good. And, surprisingly, the guy is more than just a talker. Dude really knows how to listen. To the point that I had to ask him about it…
He attributed his skill to two factors:
- A job that is mainly about being a negotiator. The key to success, according to Joel? Listening.
- His father. The greatest man he has ever known. His hero and example.
Whenever someone talks about their father as a best friend, it honestly sounds like a foreign language to me. Genuinely hard to comprehend. And when Joel started talking about his parents’ beautiful marriage, that seemed even more alien. But different stories, different impacts…
The football game continued on, the drinks kept flowing, and the conversation kept deepening…
No longer just a run-of-the-mill chat.
We were talking about everything now…
Turns out that Joel has no kids and no wife. But he was married once – three decades ago – to a woman who broke his heart by cheating on him. And, really, by lying. See, integrity is very important to him. That’s how his parents were.
As Joel answered my questions with passion, I was genuinely surprised by what was happening behind his eyes…
This 62-year-old man who had his heart broken at 32…
Was still crushed by this.
Today.
He really loved her. Having gone into it with his heart wide open. With dreams of a marriage like the one his father had.
But, when that didn’t work out, what happened next?
For the next 30 years (and counting), Joel covered up his pain. Much like we all do.
With…stuff.
Careers or drinking or anxiety or whatever else we use. Fill in the blank. It’s all the same attempt to distract ourselves from sitting in our hurt.
Joel still can’t see it after all this time…
The problem wasn’t his going “all-in.”
He just went all-in on the wrong person…for the wrong reasons…
And then “protected” himself for the next 30 years.
Like we all do in our own ways.
We get hurt, learn the wrong lessons, and then try to “protect” ourselves in such strange ways.
But what if you are actually so much more than your self-protection?
