This chapter of “Nerdy Weirdo Says Goodbye” was supposed to be about my biggest missteps here. Those are coming. But I need to respond to something and am clueless how to do it appropriately. Friday’s post was extremely meaningful to me. Dim bulb that I am, I didn’t expect it to resonate so much with anyone else.
I’m going to share a sample of the emails from the weekend. If ego stroking were the goal, I’d have done this all along rather than waiting 8 years. No, the reason I want to post them now is to give you a feel for being in my shoes. A sense of what I’ve been reading for the last 3 days. Why? Because I really want you to understand how difficult it is to stop. After seeing this level of support, hopefully you’ll experience why I say this is a team. I’m dealing with some challenges right now that make it impossible to continue another year. But it’s VERY hard to write these last posts and I’m trying hard to give you a glimpse.
Even on the island, Tom Hanks would rather talk to an antisocial volleyball than be alone. Being cared about is something we all need, right? We all want to connect. So, imagine waking up to an email like this from someone you’ve never even been in the same room with:
“Good morning MileNerd,
I have only had the pleasure of reading your blog the last couple of years. Wish I knew better several years ago. Thank you for the great post this morning, although I’m sure it was most difficult at times for you to share with your readership. For me it was difficult to read at times, but I think it will be of help to me in the future.
I have struggled for too many years now with the death of one of my children, and haven’t got to the point where I really need to express myself in so many ways. As hard as your post was to read, it is also somehow inspiring.
I wish you the greatest success in coming to terms with this part of your life, and wish you the best in deciding how to document it in the future. I will truly miss your blog, and wish you all the best.”
Hopefully that gives you a better idea of how difficult this week is. Another reader shared the story of losing his mother and how the timing of this post impacted his life. I mean…this is a miles and points blog. From a guy who posts goofy pictures. Another reader drafted a GoFundMe page for A PERSON SHE’S NEVER MET that’s ready to be published if I choose to share it. Obviously, I’m overwhelmed. And confused. And touched. So, I’ll post a sample of the emails below, but need to balance it out with an equally important topic – my biggest regrets from MileNerd. I owe some apologies. Here are the top 3 biggest ones:
-A little backstory. I grew up as an ultra-skinny Indian kid in West Virginia…6 feet tall and 145 pounds. Couldn’t gain a pound even after setting alarms in the middle of the night to drink weight-gainer milkshakes. Definitely hadn’t grown into my big nose. To put it mildly, I was NOT a ladies man. My role? Funny sidekick who girls talked to about the boys they actually liked. In college, I finally started putting on weight and looked slightly less awkward. For the first time, I was experiencing some attention from the opposite sex. But…here’s the thing…literally for another DECADE, every time a woman was attracted to me…I was legitimately confused. My internal monologue was, “Wait, you want me? The funny sidekick guy? I don’t understand.” My point is this…
Sometimes, our brains don’t catch up to their new reality. You think of yourself as the guy who can’t get a date… in the middle of a date. Or the “skinny guy” who is currently sucking in his gut. In these 8 years of blogging, I made some mistakes because my brain wasn’t caught up. This was the worst example…
Years ago, a lady started a miles and points blog. She reached out for some advice. I don’t remember what started annoying me about the conversations…she asked why I curse so much or something totally insignificant…and innocently asked if I’d mention her. The point is, she did nothing. I was WAY too harsh when mentioning her in a post. By all indications, she was a nice person who wasn’t misleading anyone. I embarrassed myself. And, what made it weirder…some people cheered me on for that. Leana, I apologize. I hope you’re still writing. My goal here was to help people and I did it with almost everyone who reached out. For some reason, I didn’t do that with you and I regret it to this day. There was no excuse for it. My brain didn’t understand that I had the power to hurt you…it was too busy protecting itself from being hurt.
-Next regret. When I started MileNerd, nobody was called out for anything. Dishonest bloggers were lying left and right with no pushback. I felt it was my responsibility to speak up. One of those early posts was called, “Why Everyone Sucks” or something similarly poetic. Decent writing for me at the time and there were many other posts like it. The thing is…
I made a big contribution to what I guess could be called “ranting culture” in this particular hobby. It spread quickly like a rash. And there’s a problem with that contribution…
If people start ranting for every little thing, it becomes indistinguishable noise. When everything is an “issue,” the real problems are drowned out. Logic should be the foundation. But, I’m regularly sent posts of people trying to “rant” about non-issues. Often in nonsensical ways. In fairness, it probably would have happened eventually with Twitter coming. A new generation of “hot takes” – often just dumb shit expressed with over-the-top emotion. A quick way to gain likes and cheers. Even if it was bound to happen, I’m the miles and points pioneer of it. Definitely helped create that mess. Another regret.
-Finally, this one has to do with you guys. The reason for no social media and no comment section was simple. How people communicate in those “areas,” in many cases, really weirds me out. That behavior often devolves into impersonal and cold internet talk. Sometimes rude. And I didn’t want to be a part of that. I wanted to connect to people in a human way. With very few exceptions, that’s what happened. People who send emails (in my experience) don’t dive into weird comment section behavior.
Well, somewhere along the line, it became obvious that MileNerd readers were a different bunch. I regret that I didn’t try a comment section to give you guys a chance to interact with each other. To form some relationships with the other special people here. I hope to remedy that very soon.
Ok, now that I’ve talked about the times I sucked, I feel a little more comfortable closing with some emails to help paint a picture of my weekend. And what I’m experiencing this week…
“Paul, I am so very sorry that your family’s history has had so much tragedy in it. As a Jew who lost family in the Holocaust, and who has known and loved survivors of that tragedy, I am not a stranger to how hard and complicated it is for the survivors and for their children.
If you “figure out a way to pursue my dream project again” please let your friends on the MileNerd list know about it. My bet is that I am not the only one who would step up to help you tell your story more broadly. And if not, that’s OK too. Again, I am surely not the only one who learned from reading Chapter 4, and while very saddened, I am glad to have been so enlightened.”
“I just read your posting on your life story. Oh, my! I don’t know what to say, other than THANK YOU for sharing. And of course, I am one of many that wish you the very best.”
“I came to this hobby only recently and discovered your blog even later. Thank you for your honest approach to miles and points. More, though, thank you for having the generosity to tell your personal story in these last posts. I’m a writer and editor, but I am unable to find the right words to tell you after reading about your family story. Best wishes to you in the next phase of your life. Take care.”
“Whether you have a duty to tell this story in another way, or should prioritize it over other things is not something where I can offer any insight. But if you were to start a kickstarter or gofundme, I think that I and other admirers would offer support. I came to your blog for the information. As I discovered that I don’t have the love for the miles game or the energy to play it, I slowly stopped reading miles and points blogs, but kept coming back here. I’m not sure why, something about the writing or the love underlying it held onto me.”
“Hello, Mr. Nerd. Like many, many others, I am sad to see you go. You have been a bright light in this world.
About 18 months ago, I started a travel blog — and I didn’t like it. What I was writing wasn’t me. I had the good fortune to speak briefly with Pauline Frommer (of Frommer’s Guide) who said, “Everyone is doing what you are doing” — which was writing just another blog with advertisers, click-bait, reviews, etc. Who cares.
I spent a few months looking at blogs. There was nothing special about most of them. They were interchangeable and forgettable.
But I always liked yours: pithy, no nonsense, like-me-or-leave. I rebooted my blog, keeping in mind your model. I write for myself and I have fun. I am officially launching it this week, and have almost a year of articles ready to publish (weekly). Hooray! I easily have enough material to last another four years.
My online magazine encourages other writers to submit their stories so I can publish on their behalf. Those who do not have a blog of their own can still get their stories out there.
So, my virtual friend, if you ever decide you have something to say but no longer have the means, please visit my site at www.awaTravels.com. You will always be welcome.”
“This will sound trite and shallow after yesterday’s post of yours, but I’ve read your blog for years. I cannot say thank you enough for the countless promotions, points, etc that you have alerted me and all your readers about. Your voice has come through over countless holiday/new years posts, I feel as if I know you.”
“You’ll be sorely missed, but I hope this means you are chasing your dream. Best of luck to you, and if you ever wonder past Kansas City, the beers and BBQ are on me as a thank you.”
“Words cannot express the gratitude I have for you. Your blog has always been a wonderful source of information and humor. I appreciate the time you’ve taken. I just finished ready the story of your father. Talk about a hard dose of reality. Your old man is one tough guy. What I have learned from my years as a family attorney, is that you really can’t judge a book by its cover. There are so many stories that people have which go untold and end up unknown or forgotten. I hope you will tell your father’s story one day, if not the story of the Partition. Thank your dad for me. Without him, we wouldn’t have you.”
