Nonsensical Ethics Talk
At first, it seemed like a perfectly normal day.
I went to McDonald’s and ordered a Big Mac. Didn’t pay much attention to the guy at the window as he handed it over. But then he said, “Look at me. We expect to be called a health food restaurant now.”
I drove away very confused.
Back at home, I sat down to watch a golf tournament. Just in time to see Tiger Woods pumping his fist after winning the trophy. But, suddenly, he stopped celebrating and turned to the camera. He said, “My thoughts on monogamy are posted on TigerWoods.com. And I’m the perfect person to talk about that stuff since I’d never cheat on anyone. In fact, I’m still a virgin.”
What was happening?
Right then, the phone rang. It was a reader calling to let me know that bloggers, with straight faces, are now posting about ethics. By far the craziest part of this day yet.
It’s a bit fuzzy, but the conversation went something like…
READER
MileNerd can you believe these shady ass bloggers are bragging about having an ethics policy?
ME
My phone must be messed up. That made no sense. You said pathetic philosophy, right?
READER
No, ethics policy.
ME
Poetic hypocrisy?
READER
Ethics policy!
ME
Unapologetic Dishonesty?
READER
Dude, that doesn’t even rhyme.
Had I had entered a state of shock? My ears seemed unable to hear this information because it was so deeply nonsensical. Should I see a doctor? Should I find some marijuana?
Nah, I should probably just take a nap.
So I passed out. But the crazy dreams started immediately…
- In one, Walmart was the friendliest store in town.
- In another, OJ Simpson was a marriage counselor teaching couples how to stay calm during arguments.
- Southwest Airlines was known for being luxury in the sky, with Dom Perignon flowing like water.
- Keanu Reeves and Jackie Chan were winning all of the acting awards.
Ok, I had to wake up. This day was too illogical.
So I rolled out of bed and turned on ESPN. Desperately needing to hear something real. Anything. But the sportscaster was talking about Lebron James being a better player than Michael Jordan.
Huh?
I quickly threw my remote at the wall. Ran to the internet. And the very first headline read, “Get a natural body like one of the Kardashians.”
What kind of freaky day was this?
Suddenly, the phone rang again. I jumped up, startled. It was another longtime reader…
He confirmed the craziest part of all…that bloggers are talking about ethics. Apparently, getting away with their bullshit isn’t enough anymore. They now want to be patted on the back for it.
And then it finally hit me…
Wait a minute…
Tiger Woods isn’t a virgin.
McDonald’s isn’t a health food restaurant.
And the sharks disguised as dorks aren’t tone deaf enough to talk about ethics.
Nobody could have that much nerve.
Of course…I’m still fast asleep and this was all just a weird dream.
That’s the only possible explanation.
Right?
