Mile Nerd

Hundred Years

Dear Mom and Dad:

This is quite an occasion. Sure wish you were here. How on earth did I get to my 100^th birthday? An entire century in the books. Been sitting here dreading some big fuss. You know how I am. Thankfully, people nowadays tend to be very busy. Phones and whatnot. There is a beautiful cake here, though. Worth putting the teeth in for.

I really miss you guys.

Wasn’t it just yesterday I hopped off the school bus and into our house? Backpack heavy. Eager to dive face-first into the plate of snacks mom used to make. As if I hadn’t eaten in years. Same level of hunger each afternoon. Guess it takes a lot of fuel to run around like a maniac until sunset.

I still smile at those memories.

Everything ahead.

All of us overflowing with time.

Those days of running have long since come to a close. Not sure I could even remember how to hop. It seems like my finish line is just about here now. Hourglass down to its last few grains of sand. On this occasion, I can’t help but peek back in the rearview…

Was it all sunshine and rainbows? Not really.
Am I the best version of me I could’ve been? No.
Did my childhood dreams come true? Oh goodness, no.  
But do I at least know who I am?

Also no.

At a certain point, we get too old to lie. Even to ourselves. No more energy for that. I think time just got away from me. Weeks disappeared. Then years. Remember my graduation day? From high school? Feels closer to 8 years ago than 8 decades. This tornado of time. Pulling everything into the blur. Do you remember how all my friends would pass around their yearbooks?

They all wrote, “Never Change.”

Pretty much the nicest thing a teenager can say. Imagine if we really had that pause button. So nothing would need to change. Keeping the youth. Our endless energy. That hourglass full of sand.  

I’d still be hopping off the school bus.

Knees and back feeling fine.

We’d sit down for another meal. My old appetite. I’d catch a glimpse of you. Not as a distant memory. But together in a room again. Chatting about nothing in particular. Laughing with ease.

“Never change.”

If only.

Where does it go? A lifetime. Just one blink of the eyes and it’s in the past. Now standing at the finish line. Wishing I could express what you mean to me.  

Do you really know the impact?

I still see you all the time. It’s part of me. Mom’s eyes and dad’s mouth. It’s on my face. And in my heart.

You taught me how to walk.

How to think.  

You live in my sense of humor and wrote my sense of morals.

From the way I cook my eggs,

To my choice of religion.

More than just my strengths, it’s in the weaknesses too. Dad’s struggle to show his feelings. Mom’s temper. Both of you with two left feet.

All of that absorbed. Like a human sponge.  

You brought me into this world.

Then built mine.

It’s harder without you here. This hole inside. But, looking back, I guess I never could let you go. Not for a day. Or even a thought. I hold you so close. Reflected back in my mirror. But did I learn the wrong lesson?

“Never change.”

There it is. My big mistake. Why couldn’t I grasp the depth of love? How that word means so much more. You didn’t need me to think like you. Or be like you. Didn’t even want that. Just lacked the words to say…

“Change.”

There’s no way around it.

Find yourself, not in us.

But in you.

I couldn’t see it. Didn’t get it. Just sitting there for me all along. Your limitations didn’t need to become mine. You didn’t want your box to hold me too. How could you know the power you held? Without a crystal ball to see my future.

Now I’m the one who sees. As clear as day. How hard it is to leave home. Because the physical part is easy. The rest is what takes a lifetime.

I finally understand.

It’s time to step into the light.

But now I’m a hundred years old.

Curb Appeal

If I concentrate, it’s almost like being back inside the old house.

Scent of fresh-baked cookies floating through the air.

Soundtrack of laughter from the living room.

It really was the best, huh?

Weirdly, never a question we ask ourselves in the moment.

Yup, turns out I pretty much had it all. What more could anyone want? Well, maybe just a pair of clear eyes. To snap all the mental photographs. Because, looking back now, those days were my overflowing cup.

Warm blanket vibes? Check.

Silliness and fun? Absolutely.

House that felt like a home? Big time.  

Strange how we always need to lose something to see it more clearly. Why do we all need that trait? In fairness, it’s possible the “good old days” are just a figment of my imagination. We all romanticize the past. But looking back at it now…

I think maybe I was special.

Yeah, yeah…I know.

Sounds like an arrogant thing to say.  

And, to be clear, I don’t feel the same way now. But, back then? I think maybe I was. Because everyone who came into the house seemed to smile differently when they saw me. All of them. Embarrassing to admit? Sure. But it almost felt like people would gather around me. As if I grabbed their attention. They’d make some comments about my looks and whatnot. The kind of thing we take for granted in our youth. Because it all fades so fast. Somehow…it kind of just felt like I made them happy. Like maybe there was something about me. Oh, and I’ll never forget the flashy ways they helped dress me up. With such care. They made me shine so bright…it almost felt like I was glowing.

Or maybe this is all just my imagination…  

The thing is, it feels so real. Deep down, I know it was. Just gets camouflaged by the fogginess of doubt which comes with age. Our weird justifications. Because I’m torn and tattered now. Trying to convince myself that maybe life was always this hard. As if that will ease the sting of disappointment. Ease the longing.

But here’s reality…

It wasn’t just special. Those days kept getting better and better. So, do I wish that could’ve lasted? Oh yeah. Being adored. It almost started to feel like I was the star of the house. Possibly even the reason for their smiles. Come on…did I really think it would stay that way forever? Doesn’t matter now. Because time moves on. And I guess it was just a season. A glimpse that’s almost too good to be true.

Then it’s gone.

I was surrounded by so many gifts. Lit up so bright that you’d see me twinkling in the dark. Once upon a time.

And now?

Well, it’s colder out here. Feels a bit lonely. Almost starting to think I’ve been discarded. Look, I know all of us are decaying gradually. The thing is…

It doesn’t feel so gradual to me.

Been having a hard time recognizing myself these days.

But let’s not get all mushy here. Because there’s no way to possibly thank you enough for all those moments. I had it better than anyone. You brought me right into your home. Treated me like your most special guest. And it truly was the highlight of my life.

Maybe we can do it again one day?

Love Always,

Your Christmas Tree On The Curb

Resolution Report Card

Thanks to big leaps in technology, I’ve been granted a gift. Frankly, it feels like a real-life miracle.

Without further ado…

I shall now begin a text conversation with my future self. Yes, you heard that correctly. I’m meeting me – exactly one year from now. How exciting is this moment? Very. But nerves are also a factor. Mostly, though, I’m just curious. What will the 2027 version of me be like? Having made my New Year’s resolutions today…how much will I have grown? What new wisdom will be shared? Well, no need to guess. Let’s find out from the source. Here we go…

——-

Hi there. This is so incredible. Is it really you?

Wassup dog.

There’s really no way to properly express myself right now. I mean, wow. Can you believe this is happening? How do we comprehend the gravity of all this? What a truly special experience.

I know, right…

Where do we even start? Tell me EVERYTHING. I still can’t believe I’m talking to the 2027 me. So, did we accomplish our goals? How did we do with the resolutions?

Hmm. Remind me of one…

Well…I mean…did we lose the 20 pounds?

LOL. Oh yeah! Twenty is a big ass number, dude.

Of course. Understandable. But did we at least cut down on our screen time? And all the social media?

Hold up, bro. Just seeing a funny post about this bear in some lady’s house.

Sure, but I really wanted to see if we cut down on the—

Gonna send you this clip. Bro, bears are crazy!

Yes, I imagine that’s quite a clip. Maybe let’s just move on to the next resolution. Have we deepened our relationships? Did I become a better listener?

Oh man, this bear is in the fridge right now WTF

Uh…hello? Can you at least tell me we’ve cut down on the politics. I hope we’re not still wasting our energy on all that dra—

–Yo. Are you trying to spar with me?

Wait, what? No, I am you. Why would I want to—

–Cuz I can spar all day long. You want me to burn this down? Oh, I’ll burn this fucker to the ground! These people are crazy, bro. CRAZY WITH A CAPITAL C. So don’t press my buttons!

Ok…um…did we actually make any progress? With any of our resolutions? I’m almost afraid to ask. But are we eating more vegetables?

No doubt. Got at least 3 or 4 mushrooms on this slice right now, baby.

So, we haven’t cut down on the pizza? Is that right?

Dude. You ever wonder if bears like pepperoni?

Indeed. Good point. So, out of curiosity, how many pounds did we end up losing?

NITUYTNKSNjnsa8

Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.

My bad. Got a few suds on the phone, homeboy.  

Wait, we’re drinking beer? Please tell me we’re not back to eating ice cream?

Cool, I won’t tell you. But the answer rhymes with FO SHIZZLE.

I guess it’s safe to say we didn’t get into therapy…

Bro. Reddit says mint chocolate chip is hella therapeutic.

I was really hoping we’d be on a keto diet by now.

Oh yeah, I tried keto. But then I found out the KEY to my happiness is pepperoni. And as far as the TOE part…just fyi…even our toes are a little chubby now.

This is unbelievable. You’ve accomplished none of our goals! Nothing. Zero percent of our resolutions have been achieved!

I mean, did you have a resolution about staying off the crack pipe?

WHAT??? NO!!! WE DON’T DO DRUGS!!!! ARE YOU CRAZY???

Exactly. See, things could be worse. You’ve got fat feet, not a crack habit.

Hmm…wait a minute. One of my resolutions is to look at the brighter side of life.

Boom. Mission accomplished.

Hey, by any chance, did we sign up for that great art class? Or the yoga one?

Gotta run, amigo. This bear is sitting in the chick’s hot tub!

Hold on a second. Just one final question. No offense, but…um…what happened to us?

Look, compadre. If you thought 2025 was a doozy? Better bring your best for ’26. Unless, of course, you want to end up like—

Noted. Thanks for the tip.

kjasldkjfaj9unb

Take A Trip

‘Tis the season once again. Some say there’s magic in the air.
Well, our voyage is departing soon
Far from a day-to-day affair.

Close your eyes, now take a breath. As I grant you this one chance
Our waltz back through the hands of time
Will be a special sort of dance.

Short count to 3, then we’ll arrive. It might catch you by surprise.
Oh, for what you’ll find before you
Must be seen with softer eyes.

We’ve landed now. Your childhood home. It’s many years ago.
In these walls, the ones that shaped you
With all of life ahead to grow.

It’s Christmas Eve. The tree is up. And so is one young pair.
Both of your parents look so vibrant
Dad sports his thicker head of hair.

Mom scoots around with fervor. So much lighter on her feet
Years haven’t slowed her down just yet
As she bakes another treat.

You gasp and try to catch your breath. To see them look this way…
Have long forgotten them as youthful
Before all of life’s decay.

You rub your eyes. Compose yourself. Now moving down the hall
In the bedroom, you lie sleeping
Under posters on the wall.

Just so tiny in that blanket. Didn’t know it way back then
With a yawn, the child arises
And then grabs a favorite pen. 

Your younger self begins to write. A list of gifts and toys?
But then you get a closer look
At your mind before the noise.

“I just want us to be happy.” Is all you see upon the pad.
These words, part of a long-lost blur
Before your armor had been clad.

Back down the hall, one final glimpse. Both parents in their room. 
Must remember dad’s unwrinkled eyes
Breathe in mom’s go-to perfume.

They’ll never hear the words you shout: “Guys, these times will move so fast!
We all need to do it better,
None of this will ever last”

Clock ticking on our trip now, as you race back down the hall
To the child you were, so long ago
That’s when tears begin to fall.

After decades of the fight inside. New sensation in your heart.
There wasn’t something wrong with you
Not a single missing part.

Then, boom, your trip is over. Landing back in current life.
All the aches and pains returning too
Fifteen different types of strife.

You pass by a reflection. Sure, that face now has some flaws
The toll it costs to grow this age
Can’t get back time from Mr. Claus.

Still, something big has shifted. A child reignites inside.
Says, “Drink in more love.
And share your glass.”

This old dog’s spirit hasn’t died.

Photo-Op

It was a perfect Las Vegas weekend.

She hit every one of her football bets. Literal perfection.

As for me? I scarfed down a month’s worth of red meat, lost my voice, and almost came close to breaking even.

Good times were had. The memories shall live on. But all reminiscing is now officially paused. Because it’s time to put the ol’ game face on. Gotta check in with myself. Yup, both palms are sweaty. Breathing is elevated. That’s right…

It’s time for the trip home.

This demanding trek is not for the faint of heart. Look, if you haven’t driven from Vegas back to the west coast…

You’ve never met pure terror.

Ok, here’s the situation…

California drivers only know traffic. They have zero clue what to do with themselves when unleashed. Like, imagine if you were starving to death. And then, out of nowhere, hamburgers started raining from the sky. How would you feel? How does a human even react? That…my friends…is what it’s like when Californians see 300 miles of open desert highway.

So, how do they react?

I’ll tell you how. By driving absolutely batshit crazy. Visualize the energy of a crackhead sprinting to a pot of crack at the end of a rainbow. That’s exactly what Interstate 15 back to Los Angeles is like.

This desert drive might as well be a Formula 1 race. With no need for Ferraris or Lamborghinis. On this journey, a Honda Civic can move at the same speed. Over here, every awkward Californian becomes Vin Diesel from the Fast And Furious movies. This trip should take 5 hours. Everyone around me is trying to do it in 90 minutes.

So, I remain focused.

Eye of the tiger activated.

Game face on.

Fords and Toyotas whip past me like Usain Bolt by a turtle. I can’t even look down for a sip of water. This herculean task requires all my focus. Now an hour into the madness, I’m deep in the belly of the beast. No food or gas exits to be found. No reprieve at all. Just a whole lot of endless desert. And a collection of maniacs trying to break the speed of sound.

I haven’t spoken aloud for the past 45 minutes.  

She asks if I’m doing ok.

Apparently, I look stressed.

Like Samuel L Jackson from A Time To Kill, I yell out:
“Yes, I’m feeling stressed! And I hope they burn in hell!”

(Narrator: He was, in fact, not doing ok)

Then, suddenly, all the zooming cars come to a complete halt…

Nothing but brake lights. The entirety of Interstate 15 is now at a standstill. Our long line of lunatics in road rockets? All back to their natural habitat. Sitting in traffic. But what on earth is causing this? I mean, the I-15 is Nevada’s version of the Autobahn.

And then I realize how dark it is…

Nothing blue above me.

No clouds to be found.

Wait, this is early afternoon. What on earth is HAPPENING IN THE SKY?

I can’t describe it as anything but apocalyptic. Truly what this feels like. No other words in the dictionary for it. The entire sky is darkness and smoke. Impossible to see more than a few yards ahead.

Things stay like this for a few minutes. Until we gradually creep forward. Darkness now clearing up. And then she spots it. Points her finger at something ahead…

On the shoulder of Interstate 15 is an RV on fire. Everyone has safely escaped. But, visually, this is just incredible. Such an insane sight to behold. We’re deep in the middle of the desert looking at an RV engulfed in flames. Never seen anything like this in my life. Easily the most incredible photo opportunity of the year.

Traffic is moving a bit faster, so I quickly hand her my phone.

I ask, “Can you get this shot???”

She snaps the picture and says with more confidence than I’ve ever heard from another human:
“I got the shot.”

I start imagining all the photography competitions we’ll win. This visual is stunningly original. No way to properly describe it. But, then again, I guess a picture does speak a thousand words.  

Editor’s Note:
The following image is the picture that was taken in this moment.