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On to the post…
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I’m stuck behind a left lane bandit
Oh yeah, you know the one…
He’s crawling down the freeway interfering with my fun.
I can’t believe his driving, what’s the deal with this lame guy?
So I look into his window and can see he’s from Shanghai.
I swerve back to the right lane and begin to ride your tail.
While continuing to check my phone and read routine email.
I fire tweets off quickly as my foot slams on the gas.
Inching closer to your bumper now – I refuse to make the pass!
But my exit is approaching, so I roll right into work.
Talking loudly on my speakerphone (to ignore colleagues like Dirk).
I duck into my office and quickly hide behind my desk.
The people all around me here? Quite literally grotesque.
Loud drama queens and girly men that’s what this place is now.
A team of brainless Oprah fans who try to act highbrow.
I’m exhausted by their worries all about their lot in life.
Except Latina file clerk girl – could she be my next ex-wife?
This place has grown so nutty, I just don’t know what to do.
Coworkers who surround me, all they do is misconstrue.
Their problematic thinking – far too often led astray.
So easy to convince them boogeyman is on his way.
At least we’re in this building now (not on my couch with Zoom).
Long-ass meetings full of panic that we face impending doom.
My colleagues feel so foreign, I no longer can relate.
What’s wrong with modern interns now – I can’t even get one date?
All I said was shove that Pfizer shot…well, where the sun don’t shine.
And then just yelled, “FUCK VACCINE TALK” (ok, that didn’t make Juanita mine).
No injection in my body when unsure what it’s about.
Unless they can invent one that will make 6-packs pop out.
I won’t care what’s in a needle if it gives me sexy abs.
Or one that might relive me from this stubborn case of crabs.
The sheeple all around me here think I’m a problem child.
Well, they’re the microchipped ones – with blood data now profiled.
I bet they’ll try to bribe me, thinking I will get their shot.
10 steps ahead is where I live, they must have all forgot.
Yup, Dirk just ordered Pizza Hut – all part of his game plan.
You need more than awesome food to pull one over on me, man.
Can you spot the simple tricks like theirs? As obvious can be.
My views will never change. They’re built on logic only I can see.
In fact, I truly think it’s healthy washing slices down with Coke.
And casually ignore signs telling me where I can’t smoke.
While you all get so brainwashed, I am free as I can be.
My thoughts are mine alone. And need only make sense to me.
Things that enter this round body, yeah I always analyze.
Could tell you each ingredient in Little Debbie pies.
That might be a stretch to say (I never really look).
I tend to eat most everything from any kind of cook.
I’m a grown-ass man with freedom, that’s what life is all about.
These people won’t impact me – oh hell no, I won’t sell out.
Nice, it’s time to close up shop here so I’ll chill out back at home.
With construction now completed on my brand new biodome.
I’ll have distance from the noise there, from vaccines I’ll never take.
Far away from all the people who created this headache.
No, you’ll never understand me, but I’m still a real-life guy.
And here’s what the truth is…
I’m American as apple pie.
