Stamp Collecting
There was a wild story in the world of sports last week.
(The wildness of the reaction is even more fascinating – and it’s what we’re here to examine)
We’ll get to that shortly. Here’s the quick backstory for our non-sports fans:
Shohei Ohtani is a generational talent from Japan. If you prefer rom-coms to baseballs, you’ve still probably heard his name. So, how good is he? Well, over the last few years, he’s done things on the field that even Babe Ruth couldn’t.
Shohei doesn’t say much. Never any issues. He’s not spotted at the hottest clubs and restaurants. Just plays baseball. Always accompanied by his interpreter…a dude named Ippei. A necessary guide through this foreign land. The two became very close friends and are typically seen together. Even away from the ballpark. For years, if someone spotted the star athlete, his right-hand man was usually standing next to him. A driver, workout partner, and confidant. Coaches and media went through Ippei to communicate with Shohei. Those two were attached at the hip, so to speak.
Seemingly more like brothers than friends.
Recently, Shohei signed a massive contract to play for the Dodgers. Total lightning bolt of a story. The most desired free agent in the history of this game. Two MVP awards before the age of 30. A complete baseball nerd who lives and breathes the sport. Does the dude even have hobbies? Or does he just wake up in a pod at the stadium?
Of course, communication with him requires assistance.
So Ippei got a nice raise and joined him in Los Angeles.
Which is where all hell broke loose…
Out of nowhere came a pair of wildly confusing statements. With one big consistency – Ippei’s dark secret. A gambling problem to the tune of millions in losses.
Through an illegal bookie.
When this news broke, the Dodgers fired Ippei right away.
The sports world was on red alert. This was the lead story everywhere. Controversy involving the biggest star in the game. A player who barely speaks above a whisper. The questions were endless. What do we know about him anyway? Was he involved in this? And how does Ippei have millions to lose?
So, with the help of a new interpreter, Shohei held a press conference to clear things up…
He explained that Ippei stole money and told lies. Keeping him in the dark. Making up conflicting stories to those around him. Shohei shared his emotional state dealing with this betrayal – shock and sadness. Stating clearly that he never bet on sports. Contrary to worldwide gossip, he’d never had anyone do it on his behalf. This was something learned in the last few days. And, on the advice of his lawyers, he would turn in any Ippei-related information to the proper authorities.
Not exactly peak times for Ippei right now either. No longer safely in the background. Unemployed…in worldwide headlines…at the center of a scandal that might lead to prison. His messaging was very inconsistent in the days before the press conference. First, saying Shohei helped him out of the jam. Then admitting it was untrue. Both times explaining that Shohei had nothing to do with his gambling. It never involved him. And he wasn’t aware it was happening.
So, let’s get to the reaction…
You might be wondering – did the world feel bad about Shohei getting robbed by his friend?
Uh, no.
As a matter of fact, it was hard to find anyone who believed Shohei’s story. In spite of the following:
-No previous issues of any kind involving him.
-No proof he had anything to do with this.
-No witnesses, teammates, or coaches ever seeing him gamble.
Within days, new issues started to surface about Ippei’s honesty:
-News reports were looking for content and his resume was posted. It claimed he worked for the Boston Red Sox years earlier. After seeing this news all week, the Red Sox issued a statement. Ippei was never an employee there.
-His resume also claimed he was a graduate of UC Riverside. But, after becoming aware of this in the media, that university issued a statement too. Ippei never attended their school.
None of these details mattered…
The masses remain convinced that Shohei is guilty. That he gambled and had Ippei take the fall.
And this is what we’re here to talk about today…
Something at the root of how our brains work.
Now, is it possible Shohei is guilty? Of course. We don’t actually know the guy. Maybe he did gamble. But this isn’t about a single example…
It’s about how quick we are to judge people without needing facts.
How eager we are to assume the worst.
And how difficult it is for us to change our minds.
Now, let’s say it’s confirmed in the next few weeks that Shohei didn’t gamble. That he was a victim of theft. If it happens, I want you to really pay attention to the refusal to believe it. The intensity of it. That, my friends, is essentially a flaw in our brains.
Some will pivot – well, he bailed his friend out from debt. Or he’s a moron for getting robbed. Hopping quickly to that. As if it’s no different than illegal gambling. I want you to really watch the passionate need behind it. That need, in the minds of people, to make him a piece of shit. The lack of any attempt to find understanding within. No voice inside saying, “Hey, this dude was just a young guy in a whirlwind trying to focus on his craft.” No wondering what it might be like to be robbed by a loved one. No considering how different someone else’s reality might be from their own. No imagining what it would be to live in a society while needing daily help to communicate.
And certainly no looking inside…to remember what it feels like to be betrayed.
No connecting.
No relating.
Just putting a stamp on someone and locking the door.
Obviously, I’m not writing this to talk about Shohei Ohtani.
This is just one example. But it’s something that can help us look in the mirror.
Remember when I said this reaction is at the root of how our brains work?
I didn’t say “their” brains.
Us.
You and me too.
We all operate this way. Just with different examples.
Decades ago, people had a feeling about the Menendez brothers, right? Of course. Because the story was told to us. Over and over. Until it was burned into our brains. Those creepy-looking motherfuckers murdered their parents. As extreme a wrongdoing as there is.
So, we look at their faces and cringe.
But what about the “minor details” like the part about their father raping them?
How that tormentor may have been a serial monster who raped other boys outside of his family too.
Notice how the initial feeling formed your opinion. And how it became very hard to change that reaction once you put the stamp on them. To look at their faces and not cringe.
To look in those eyes and see something different.
And, hey, most examples aren’t nearly this extreme.
Let’s go to your day-to-day life…
Pay attention to that initial reaction when a person does something in traffic. Or interferes with your comfortable experience at the store. Notice just how quickly you put the stamp on a stranger – that person becomes an asshole or whatever other word goes through your head.
Now watch how quickly it happens inside of you when reading headlines and stories. How eager you are to declare others wrong. How quickly the verdict comes in. With people and situations you don’t really even know.
Some of you are probably thinking…
“Yeah, but these people are assholes.”
Ok, so let’s play by your own rules. What does that make you then? To define someone’s character as a human being from one interaction. Or one article. A person you don’t know at all.
Is that really how you want to operate?
Sure, maybe someone reading this will say, “Yeah, I’m cool with it.” And that’s ok. It’s their right. But what about the rest of us who want to have more self-awareness…
What do we do?
Why do our brains work this way?
Are we all just programmed to be haters?
Maybe so. No need to invent a fancy word for it. That’s basically what we’re talking about. This dumbing down of ourselves. That need when we have an unpleasant interaction – or see an unpleasant story – to put a stamp on the person’s entire identity right away.
Here’s an idea. And there’s no way to know if it’ll actually work. But I challenge you to try 3 things for a month and see what happens. To make the following conscious changes as you go through your day:
1- Literally mark down each time you stamp a stranger as an asshole, bitch, or whatever judgmental word you might use. Whether from an in-person interaction or when reading stories and headlines. You can keep the tally in your phone notes. Every time you do this in your head with someone, jot down a little number 1. Actually track it.
2- Don’t stay unconscious. Consider what you’re doing in your head. Literally defining the character of someone you don’t know. From one interaction. Or from reading something. Force yourself to see how quickly this happens inside your brain.
3- Whenever the quick-stamping happens, allow yourself a new thought:
“I don’t actually know this person, the facts, or the backstory that led to this moment.”
That’s it. A little science experiment on ourselves. And it might not do anything. But let’s just try it out for a month and see what happens. Because, frankly, there’s usually just one difference between our judgment and our empathy:
Whether we know the person’s story or not.
There’s a part of us that doesn’t want to think like this. Because it feeds on making others wrong. Loves to bust out the shitty person stamp. And has no interest in changing opinions. That part is built on insecurity. And this war lives inside of you each day. Let’s give a little help to the side that needs it.
